Another Father's Thoughts

Dan Heaton, a friend and former colleague of Old Wahoo, answers some questions on fatherhood as Another Father's Thoughts returns after a hiatus. Dan has shared some stories of his family life in The Macomb Daily.

Age? 43 on 2-12.
Number of children and their ages? 4. Sons ages 16, 13 (14 on 2-29) and 11. Daughter, 8. (Wife: Kim, married 18 1/2 years).
Occupation? Public relations. Part-time church minister. 
What is the best part about being a father? 
The answer to this question has changed over the years, as the kids have grown older. What I enjoy most now, particularly with my sons as they are in their teens years, is watching them develop talents that are totally their own. I really enjoy discussing their future dreams and ideas with them. I get excited over the potential opportunities that stretch out before them. 
For example, my two oldest sons are musicians in guitar and saxophone, respectively. Neither my wife nor I have any talent in that area. So, I get to learn along with them as they become musicians. 
What is the toughest challenge you face as a father? 
Part of the challenge for me is remembering each child has his/her own likes, dislikes and interests. They don’t have to be interested in the things I am interested in. I do try my best, however, to be interested in the things they are interested in. 
How do you balance career and family responsibilities? What kind of challenges does you career present?
This is a challenge. A number of years ago, I began to feel a call on my life to increase my activity in the church. I have been attending seminary on a part-time basis for 6 years and began serving as a part-time assistant pastor in my church about 1.5 years ago. Fortunately, my “day job” is very regular in terms of hours. 
One thing I do is say “no” to all requests on my time in the summer. I try to earmark the 3 months or so that the kids are out of school in the summer to doing things with them. 
The other thing is that I am blessed with a supportive wife who is the foundation of our family. 
How has fatherhood changed since you were a child? Do you have different responsibilities or duties, either small or large?
In a lot of ways, parents seem to be more involved in every aspect of children’s lives now and I don’t think that’s always a good thing. I want my kids to go out and roam the neighborhood. To see what is out there. To organize a game of ball in the street without me having to do it -- though nothing beats a few innings of slow pitch in the street on a summer night after work! I want them to learn to be independent, without having to rely exclusively on mom and dad. 
The one thing I do try to do is not to be my kids’ friend. They have lots of friends. They only have one father. I have fun with them, tease them, goof off with them, and often do the things with them that a friend might do, but at the end of the day, I am there to teach them and raise them, not just to say “yes” to whatever they want. 
I try to share all aspects of raising the kids with my wife, though she is the one who is home with them more than I am. 
What’s the best advice about fatherhood that you’ve received?
Spend time with the kids now, because they grow fast. That’s so true. It is hard to believe how fast the years have flown by.

Thanks Dan.

Work and the Family Man

The Wall Street Journal's The Juggle blog has an interesting post on whether work-family policies discriminate against men. 

When the boys were born, I took a week of vacation to help out (and that help was woefully weak, consisting mostly of badly changed diapers), and my wife probably wanted me out of the house by the end of the week. Nevertheless, I think it worked out pretty well overall.

I'm wondering what other people think. Did any other Dads take vacation time or some type of family leave from work? Were you happy with the situation? Do rules need to change?

Words of the Week

Old Wahoo just started reading Michael Lewis' "Home Game," a collection of essays on fatherhood. Lewis also wrote the book "Moneyball" and the book upon which the Academy Award-nominated film "The Blind Side" is based.

"... I realized that all around me fathers were pretending to do one thing, and feel one way, when in fact they were doing and feeling all sorts of things, and then engaging afterward in what amounted to an extended coverup."

- Michael Lewis, "Home Game"

Shake What?

This is the boys' new favorite song.

Be afraid.

Very afraid.

Tuned In, Tuned Out?

The New York Times' Room for Debate blog asked five panelists (including UVa grad and Cavalier Daily alum Lisa Guernsey) about media overload affecting our kids. All five experts offer good advice, though I worry that the saturation of media in all of our lives (from work to home) affects our children.

As more work goes online, the line between work and leisure increasing becomes blurred for parents, and I believe our kids pick up on this. Also, I believe that parents set the tone not just by setting guidelines for their children for TV and computer time but also through their own use. Parents are role models, and kids ape them. Maybe I'm just over-emphasizing my own experiences, but on days I use the computer a lot, the boys want to use the computer more. In short, their best remedy may be my own best remedy: exercise more, read more, play more. 

It's time to turn off the computer.

Words of the Week

In honor of February's first "holiday," a quote from one of Bill Murray's best movies.

You want a prediction about the weather, you're asking the wrong Phil. I'll give you a winter prediction: It's gonna be cold, it's gonna be grey, and it's gonna last you for the rest of your life.

- Phil Connors (Bill Murray) in "Groundhog Day"

Time for Recess

Recess rules. Kickball, soccer, monkeybars: whatever, any break from the classroom is a welcome break for many kids. It was for me, and it is for my two oldest boys, one of whom can't wait for the daily soccer game.

Recess, or at least the time when recess takes place in the school day, could lead to healthier and happier students, some experts believe. A recent article on The New York Times' Well blog suggests that holding recess before lunch rather than after lunch leads to calmer and better-nourished children at school. Administrators suggest that students eat more and there is less food waste when recess is held first because children are not rushing to go outside.

“Kids are calmer after they’ve had recess first,” said Janet Sinkewicz, principal of Sharon Elementary School in Robbinsville, N.J., which made the change last fall. “They feel like they have more time to eat and they don’t have to rush.”

Intuitively, this makes sense. My oldest son often leaves much of his food uneaten because he does not want to miss out on the fun outside, so he rushes through lunch. (Of course, he also likes to "socialize" at lunch, and he has a tendency to dawdle.)

Logistically, though, I wonder how many schools can handle such a change, and the blog post mentions several problems, such as handling the switch in colder climates. At my sons' elementary school, half of the classes already have recess before lunch, and I will be interested to see how my oldest reacts to the change.