Making Lists

Lists are always a fun, cheap way for a blog post or article, and in fact, lists pose a growing threat to long-form journalism and national literacy.*

There are lists about favorite movies, songs, football games, presidents, reality stars, "Star Wars" characters, character actors, etc. According to the National Fatherhood Initiative, there are even lists about what makes a good father, and the group did some nice investigative research by going to Maxim to find its list. (I'm sure they weren't researching Halloween Hotties, Vol. 3, were they?) Anyway, here's the Maxim "hot" list:

1. Never Fight Over a Woman
2. Never Let Anyone See You Punch Inanimate Objects
3. Buy the Women in Your Life Flowers
4. Know How to Make Scrambled Eggs
5. Always Buy a Laid-off Friend a Beer
6. Never Get Mad ... Get Even
7. Silence Is Golden
8. Drink Liquor Straight Up
9. Own a Roll of Duct Tape
10. Never Be Afraid to Dance

Not to be outdone, the National Fatherhood Initiative came up with its own list, which is a little more boring (and contains less interesting pictures):

• Work hard, even when no one is watching.
• Know how to fix a flat tire.
  
• Don't have children until you are married to their mother.
  
• Honesty actually is the best policy.
  
• Know how to cook.
  
• Have a good strong handshake.
• Always look people in the eye when you talk to them.
• Serve your community.
  
• Be willing and able to do house chores, like vacuuming, ironing, dusting, and washing dishes.
  
• Treat all of the women in your life with respect.
• Don't be afraid to experience and process the full range of emotions.
• Always keep an updated resume.

Whatever, these lists prove a good waste of time when your son is watching "Go Diego Go." My only addition: Going for it on fourth-and-one always seems like the right thing to do, but sometimes it really is better to punt.

*I made that up.