Friday, February 12, 2010

Another Father's Thoughts

Dan Heaton, a friend and former colleague of Old Wahoo, answers some questions on fatherhood as Another Father's Thoughts returns after a hiatus. Dan has shared some stories of his family life in The Macomb Daily.

Age? 43 on 2-12.
Number of children and their ages? 4. Sons ages 16, 13 (14 on 2-29) and 11. Daughter, 8. (Wife: Kim, married 18 1/2 years).
Occupation? 
Public relations. Part-time church minister. 
What is the best part about being a father? 
The answer to this question has changed over the years, as the kids have grown older. What I enjoy most now, particularly with my sons as they are in their teens years, is watching them develop talents that are totally their own. I really enjoy discussing their future dreams and ideas with them. I get excited over the potential opportunities that stretch out before them. 
For example, my two oldest sons are musicians in guitar and saxophone, respectively. Neither my wife nor I have any talent in that area. So, I get to learn along with them as they become musicians. 
What is the toughest challenge you face as a father? 
Part of the challenge for me is remembering each child has his/her own likes, dislikes and interests. They don’t have to be interested in the things I am interested in. I do try my best, however, to be interested in the things they are interested in. 
How do you balance career and family responsibilities? What kind of challenges does you career present?
This is a challenge. A number of years ago, I began to feel a call on my life to increase my activity in the church. I have been attending seminary on a part-time basis for 6 years and began serving as a part-time 
assistant pastor in my church about 1.5 years ago. Fortunately, my “day job” is very regular in terms of hours. 
One thing I do is say “no” to all requests on my time in the summer. I try to earmark the 3 months or so that the kids are out of school in the summer to doing things with them. 
The other thing is that I am blessed with a supportive wife who is the foundation of our family. 
How has fatherhood changed since you were a child? Do you have different responsibilities or duties, either small or large?
In a lot of ways, parents seem to be more involved in every aspect of children’s lives now and I don’t think that’s always a good thing. I want my kids to go out and roam the neighborhood. To see what is out there. To organize a game of ball in the street without me having to do it -- though nothing beats a few innings of slow pitch in the street on a summer night after work! I want them to learn to be independent, without having to rely exclusively on mom and dad. 
The one thing I do try to do is not to be my kids’ friend. They have lots of friends. They only have one father. I have fun with them, tease them, goof off with them, and often do the things with them that a friend might do, but at the end of the day, I am there to teach them and raise them, not just to say “yes” to whatever they want. 
I try to share all aspects of raising the kids with my wife, though she is the one who is home with them more than I am. 
What’s the best advice about fatherhood that you’ve received?
Spend time with the kids now, because they grow fast. That’s so true. It is hard to believe how fast the years have flown by.

Thanks Dan.

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