Words of the Week

Here's to the end of 2009.

When life gives you lemons, make scrambled eggs. I make terrible scrambled eggs.

- Stephen Colbert

Happy New Year

Happy New Year to everyone!

Old Wahoo thanks everybody for taking time to read the blog, and I'd like to thank all the guys who answered some questions for Another Father's Thoughts: Allan Barmak, John Richardson, John Clexton, David Meeks, Marcus LaPratt, Lacy Lusk, David Kazzie, Mike Ramsey, Ron Bernas and Steve Hetzler.

Old Wahoo vs. Old Man Winter

Winter arrived today, and Old Wahoo is ready for Old Man Winter. Lately, I've taken a passive-aggressive approach to the old, cold dude, but this year I vow to bring back my old short-wearing, fist-shaking, ice-defying ways. I can't stand winter, from hockey to WWJ's Winter Survival Team to the two worst words in the English language: wind chill. 

This year I will prevail. Some may say it is folly to challenge nature, but I have a unique combination of stubborness and stupidity to take Old Man Winter down. 

Words of the Week

Old Man Winter arrives today. He's not always a welcome guest at the Hetzler household.

Now commences the long winter evening around the farmer's hearth, when the thoughts of the indwellers travel far abroad, and men are by nature and necessity charitable and liberal to all creatures. Now is the happy resistance to cold, when the farmer reaps his reward, and thinks of his preparedness for winter…

- Henry David Thoreau

Reinforcements

This winter Old Wahoo is pleased to announce his new helper, the Moose.

Reading List

The Art of Manliness recently featured a post for the 50 Best Books for Boys and Young Men, and though many of the books are a little old for the second-grader, there still were a couple he had already read (i.e., "The Trumpet of the Swan").

Old Wahoo loved the list, and he can't wait to share some of them with the boys, including "The Phantom Tollbooth." By only quibble: I would have added one of Lloyd Alexander's books, probably "The High King," the final chapter in a Lord of the Rings-style series that I loved.

What books do you remember from your childhood? What books are your kids reading now?

Family Tradition

The holidays are all about traditions. When I first moved to Michigan, it was hard to leave my old family ways behind. I still miss many of the things I did over the holidays with my Mom, Dad and brother, but now at least I've made some new traditions here with Mrs. Wahoo and the kids - and some of them go back to my days in good ol' Virginia.

Old Wahoo admits to being a sentimental sap about Christmas trees. I always liked decorating the tree when I was a kid, even if my parents can attest differently about 26 years ago. (The Redskins were playing the Cowboys that afternoon. The 'Skins were awesome that year - at least until the Super Bowl.)

Now, the Christmas tree remains a big deal, and Rob said it was his favorite holiday tradition. It means a lot to have the tree be a connector between the generations. Some of my favorite ornaments are the ceramic ones by Grandmother Iris made for us each Christmas, and I always point them out to my sons when we decorate the tree. I also like the knit ornaments of Snoopy and some snowmen that my great aunt Pattie made when I was young. I'm not sure that the boys make the connections (they probably don't) but I like that it continues a family link.

(More after the jump.)

Words of the Week

Mind over matter.

Great men are they who see that spiritual is stronger than any material force; that thoughts rule the world.

- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Reason No. 1,247 Why I Hate Winter

Getting jackets, gloves/mittens, hats, scarves and snow pants on the kids (or not).

Words of the Week

Old Wahoo had to buy three strings of Christmas lights at CVS on Sunday, and it brought back all kinds of memories. (Plus I had to block the crazy lady who broke into her box of cookies before she bought them and tried to give them to everybody else in line. One poor dad tried to decline politely for his daughter, but CL gave the kid two cookies - practically shoved them down her throat). Anyway, here are the words I always remember at Christmas time.

"@!#*&#^@!&"

- My dad putting up Christmas tree lights, circa 1984

Culture Shock

With a change in the work schedule this week, Old Wahoo was home for dinner on Tuesday evening. It really should have been like a Monday night, my normal day off, but it felt different, as if the family was getting a "normal" night together - meaning that Mom, Dad and the kids all were together for meal time, just like I had with my parents and brothers and just like "Ozzie and Harriet."

But our family has a new "normal," and I expect many other families have their own versions of normal, too. There are definite advantages to working evenings. Besides having a job (for which I consider myself lucky), I get to spend more time with the younger children and watch them grow. There are disadvantages, such as spending less time with Rob and a lack of sleep (though I suspect that many others, even on a more traditional work schedule, struggle with rest, too).

Mostly, though, I realized how crazy evenings can be with the kids running on a buzz created by hunger and fatigue. Mornings have their craziness, too, but most days I only experience that early turmoil. Laura gets both, and I got to see how much she has to handle, and it made me wish I could help her in the evenings.

Still, we go on with our version of "normal." Though we often wish for something different and more time together, most times, we make it work - switching kid-watching duties at 3 p.m. most afternoons and trying to make the most of it . I'm hoping your "normal" - whatever it is - works, too.

Riddle Me This, Batman

The Moose idolizes his brothers, even to the point of wanting the same punishment as they do. After one of his older brothers "earned" a timeout this morning, the Moose plopped himself on the stairs beside his big brother, smiled broadly and said, "Me timeout, too." (Only with more consonants and less vowels, or vise versa).

Knowing that the big brother needed no one near him, Old Wahoo picked up the Moose and took him to his room so he could play. But the Moose decided to misbehave, and he acted so poorly that he deserved a timeout, giving Old Wahoo a fatherhood riddle.

What would you do? "Reward" him with a timeout? Or punish him by not punishing him?

Words of the Week

Keep an open mind, and don't let words deter you.

"I do not resent criticism, even when, for the sake of emphasis, it parts with reality."

- Winston Churchill

Giving Thanks

Rob just told me he can think of three things for which I'm thankful: Rob, Alex and Matt. He's right. I can't imagine what my life was like before they were around, and their smiles can make any day better.

I'm thankful for a lot more, and I have to thank them for that, too, because the boys have given me a greater appreciation for everything. So today, the day before Thanksgiving, I'd like to thank my parents, for raising me, looking after me and worrying about me, and for all their love. Thanks to my brother, for putting up with me, for being my best friend despite all the sibling dust-ups (much like the ones I witness now). Thanks to my grandmothers, for their wisdom and unconditional love. Thanks to Craig and Ginger, for all of their help, for their love of the boys and most importantly, for Laura. Thanks most of all to Laura, for being a fantastic mother and wife, for her steadfastness, her sweetness, her heart (and those beautiful eyes that well with tears).*

And thanks to all of my friends and family, for helping me to get by.

*Old Wahoo apologizes for the schmaltziness of this post. Happy Thanksgiving.

Words of the Week

Now is a time to be thankful.

"Not when the sense is dim,

But now from the heart of joy,

I would remember Him:

Take the thanks of a boy."

- Rev. H.C. Beeching

Another Father's Thoughts

Allan Barmak, a UVa graduate and former apartment-mate in Charlottesville, offers his thoughts on fatherhood to Old Wahoo.

Age? 36
Number of children and their ages? 3. Taylor (9), Macy (7), Greyson (4)
Occupation? Regional Sales Director
What is the best part about being a father? The pride that I have in my kids when they accomplish something they set out to do.
What is the toughest challenge you face as a father? Keeping my kids protected and safe without sheltering them.
How do you balance career and family responsibilities? What kind of challenges does you career present? It’s tough. I try to shut off work-related issues between dinner time and bed time- that’s family time. However, my sales territory is pretty big, so there are nights when I’m out on the road. I feel bad when I can’t be home at night. I also coach their soccer and basketball teams, so I leave all office work where it is when I head-off to practice.
How has fatherhood changed since you were a child? I think fathers take a more active role in raising the kids. With the increase in telecommuting, many fathers have the luxury of being able to spend more time with their kids, even if it’s just a matter of coming downstairs from the home office to take a 15-minute break.
How are you a different father than your father? Do you have different responsibilities or duties, either small or large? I think I’m more engaged with my kids’ athletic activities than my father. However, he was more engaged with academic activities than I am with my kids. I’m not exactly sure what “responsibilities” my father had (or what my mother gave him :) ), so unfortunately, I can’t really answer that.
What’s the best advice about fatherhood that you’ve received? The kids grow up fast. Work hard during the day, but stop at 6:00 to get back to your family. You can deal with any excess workload the next morning.

Thanks for your time, Allan, and best wishes to your family.

Roughing It

The kindergartner has a fever, so he's stayed home the last two days from school. Obviously, he's taking it easy, putting together puzzles, playing Legos and, of course, watching TV. That also means Old Wahoo is watching TV - lots of "Go Diego Go" and "Handy Manny" - and I can't help but think back to the old days when I was a kid.

When I got sick, I looked forward to watching all those cool TV shows during the day that I didn't normally get to see because of school. Unfortunately, my high expectations for a day in front of the cathode-ray tube usually were unmet. Without cable, there were few good choices. "The Price Is Right" always delivered, but there were only a couple of weak game shows, and I, if I were lucky, a rerun of "What's Happening." After my lunch of Campbell's chicken noodle soup, there was nothing on at all except soaps. I was so disappointed I even tried to rest.

Now, though, kids have it easy. They can choose from five or six different cartoons, they can fire up the DVD player, or even check out PBS (which has a much greater variety of shows than when I was a kid).

It's so much easier to be a couch potato now. The young ones don't know how lucky they are.

Tweet of the Week

Ready or not, from the world of Twitter. These words prove too true.

"Parenting reminder of the day: Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said."

- Erin Witt Simmons

Words of the Week

From my favorite song in the fall, from one of my favorite bands.

Well, I know there's a reason to change.

Well, I know there's a time for us.

You think about the good times

And you live with all the bad.

You can feel it in the air,

Feeling right this time of year.

- Better Than Ezra, "This Time of Year"

Distractions

Old Wahoo just asked the big boys to get dressed so we could have a good, old-fashioned checkers showdown. But on their way to the big game, the guys got distracted. So now they are half-undressed and playing Legos. There's nothing like being a kid on Saturday mornings.

Worry-warts

The Onion makes me laugh, though I would put "When Will I Get More Coffee" at 51 percent of my thoughts, especially in the morning. This is from one of their recent Snapshots:

11.11.09 | Issue 45•46

How College Basketball Can Help Parents (Or Not)

The college basketball season tips off this week, and while the sport has taken a bad rap (see, Calipari, John, and Pitino, Rick), Old Wahoo still loves hoops.

While I know I should limit the kids' exposure to TV, I have to be realistic: they are going to watch college basketball with me. So they may as well know some common truths: North Carolina is evil, and Virginia (even when bad) is good. North Carolina, I'm convinced, made a deal with the Devil to win national titles in 1982 and '93. (Remember, the Heels won both of those games in New Orleans, the home of black magic, on crazy plays: Georgetown's Fred Brown passed the ball to James Worthy in '82, and Michigan's Chris Webber walked twice before calling a nonexistent timeout in '93).* Really, these are the only ground rules for watching college basketball with me, and the kids will know these by heart.

Perhaps more importantly, college basketball can show the kids that anything is possible. College basketball embraces the cliched-laden spectacle of March Madness, from the Big Dance to Cinderella, and those phrases can help the lazy parent pass on values such as hard work and never-give-up-ability (I like that word) to their couch-ridden children. Just talk about the amazing run of the 1983 N.C. State Wolfpack or the 1985 Villanova Wildcats (and try to have a selective memory, please), and tell them anything is possible.

Then, of course, there's Dick Vitale, and who wouldn't want him baby-sitting your children? In fact, I actually thought about imitating Mr. Vitale this morning when one of the kids starting acting up. I wanted to scream "YOU NEED A T-O, BABY!" at a misbehaving child, but then I imagined the look I would get from Mrs. Wahoo.

Sometimes, discretion is the better part of valor. And sometimes I think I need a new favorite sport.

*I'm kidding. Sort of. And apologies to Joe Posnanski and Bill Simmons for the use of footnotes.

Happy Veterans Day

Thank you to all the veterans, including my grandmother Iris (who served as a nurse in France during World War II) and my father. Thanks for all your hard work and sacrifice.

Dark Movies for Kids

A.O. Scott wrote an essay in Sunday's The New York Times examining several recent children's movies, including "Where The Wild Things Are" and the upcoming "Fantastic Mr. Fox." Some people have said the movies are too dark for some children, and Scott acknowledges that may be true for some. But Scott argues though some movies indeed tackle tough topics and can be dark, ultimately they are more true to childhood experiences.

How do you feel? Are dark movies OK for kids? Do they need escapism? Or does it depend on the individual child?

Cowboy Up

Alex relished life as a cowboy. For more Halloween pictures, check out the Flickr stream.

Words of the Week

It's hard to believe that 20 years have passed since the Berlin Wall fell, and it's hard to believe that a whole generation has grown up having no first-hand knowledge of the wall. Perhaps it's even better to know that some things do get better over time; we are not doomed to failure, and the human race can embrace more democratic, more free and more liberated societies. (Quote is from a story in Sunday's The New York Times).

“For people from our generation, it’s just a part of German history. For us this division doesn’t really exist anymore.”

- Sebastian Melchior, 19

Distant replay

Yes, Halloween was almost a week ago, and yes, Thanksgiving is not all that far away, but I just wanted to share a couple trick-or-treat pictures. My favorite story from Halloween came from Alex, who scolded a neighbor for calling him Woody. "I'M NOT WOODY! I'M A COWBOY!"

Making Lists

Lists are always a fun, cheap way for a blog post or article, and in fact, lists pose a growing threat to long-form journalism and national literacy.*

There are lists about favorite movies, songs, football games, presidents, reality stars, "Star Wars" characters, character actors, etc. According to the National Fatherhood Initiative, there are even lists about what makes a good father, and the group did some nice investigative research by going to Maxim to find its list. (I'm sure they weren't researching Halloween Hotties, Vol. 3, were they?) Anyway, here's the Maxim "hot" list:

1. Never Fight Over a Woman
2. Never Let Anyone See You Punch Inanimate Objects
3. Buy the Women in Your Life Flowers
4. Know How to Make Scrambled Eggs
5. Always Buy a Laid-off Friend a Beer
6. Never Get Mad ... Get Even
7. Silence Is Golden
8. Drink Liquor Straight Up
9. Own a Roll of Duct Tape
10. Never Be Afraid to Dance

Not to be outdone, the National Fatherhood Initiative came up with its own list, which is a little more boring (and contains less interesting pictures):

• Work hard, even when no one is watching.
• Know how to fix a flat tire.
  
• Don't have children until you are married to their mother.
  
• Honesty actually is the best policy.
  
• Know how to cook.
  
• Have a good strong handshake.
• Always look people in the eye when you talk to them.
• Serve your community.
  
• Be willing and able to do house chores, like vacuuming, ironing, dusting, and washing dishes.
  
• Treat all of the women in your life with respect.
• Don't be afraid to experience and process the full range of emotions.
• Always keep an updated resume.

Whatever, these lists prove a good waste of time when your son is watching "Go Diego Go." My only addition: Going for it on fourth-and-one always seems like the right thing to do, but sometimes it really is better to punt.

*I made that up.

Words of the Week

From Roger Ebert's Journal:

For me it is not spring but autumn that is the season of new beginnings.

- Roger Ebert

Plausible Deniability

Old Wahoo likes to think he's an enlightened dad, a new age kind of father who drops his kids off at school, packs their lunch (every once in a while, anyways) and changes diapers. But let's face it: like any good man (or at least any successful college football coach or U.S. President), Old Wahoo operates under the guise of plausible deniability. I think I know and I should know and maybe I even do know, but no one really knows.

Sounds confusing, right? But it's perfect. If Mrs. Wahoo says she will donate toilet paper for the second-grade Halloween party, I nod my head yes and immediately file it in my mind's vertical file. But when Mrs. Wahoo comes down with a semi-deathly illness, then Old Wahoo actually has to act, which no one wants (least of all me). So now I have to buy toilet paper (so the kids can pretend to be mummies, wink, wink - like they're not T.P.'ing some teacher's lawn) and actually deliver it to school. Handling one of those tasks drains all of my resources, but both, that's tough.

With plausible deniability, I successfully can shrug off at least one of the tasks. Toilet paper? Sure, whatever you want. I'll just drop it off after you pick it up. And with laundry, plausible deniability becomes an even greater asset. Yes, I guess I did put the 2-year-old's pants in the second-grader's drawer, but, I mean, hey, I actually folded the laundry, didn't I? And I made an attempt to put it in the right place, right?

Anyway, there's only one thing that can save me: the quick return to health of Mrs. Wahoo.

Please get well soon.

Words of the Week

History matters.

"I'm not one who sees history repeating itself, but I think a lot of attitudes do."

- Kelly DeVries, professor of history at Loyola College in Maryland

No Shout-Out for Shouting

An article in this week's The New York Times stated that "shouting is the new spanking," and the story cites a study that says 88 percent of 991 families surveyed "acknowledged shouting, screaming or yelling at the kids at least once ... in the previous year." I think the other 12 percent of the families are either lying or in need of the Nobel Peace Prize.

Infotainment

Old Wahoo and the boys watched the UVa-Maryland game last weekend, and while all were satisfied with the outcome (20-9 Wahoos), the boys loved the commercials even more.

Rob and Alex cannot get enough infomercials. On Saturday, they were enthralled by an advertisement for a riding leaf mower (unfortunately, I cannot remember the name; if somebody was watching the game and remembers, please send me a note). The commercial, of course, touts the time-saving aspects of the mower, and the boys ate it up, so much so that Rob uttered this gem: "Dad, aren't you tired of wasting your weekends on yard work?" When I told him I actually liked yard work and said that I expect him to help out more when he gets older, he was most displeased. He'll probably try talk me into purchasing the Leaf Taco.

ESPNU also offered this gem for the Perfect Brownie. By the way, the boys' all-time favorite is the Shark Steam Mop. They still don't understand why we haven't bought it yet.

Words of the Week

David Rohde's account of his time held by the Taliban is a must read in this week's New York Times.

I thought of my wife and family and was overcome with shame. An interview that seemed crucial hours earlier now seemed absurd and reckless.

- David Rohde, "Held by the Taliban," Part One

Will You Be "Where the Wild Things Are"?

"Where the Wild Things Are," based on the children's book by Maurice Sendak, opens this weekend, and, according to Rotten Tomatoes, the movie has received mostly favorable reviews. "Wild Things" has seemed to generate polarizing opinions - some have loved it, while others have hated it.

Judging by the trailer (though maybe just as you shouldn't judge a book by its cover, you shouldn't judge a movie by its trailer), the movie looks stunning. In fact, the trailer makes me want to see the movie, since I was not a huge fan of the book (which sounds blasphemous, I know).

To me, though, there's a bigger question: Will kids get it, or will it resonate more with adults?

Are Dads Stepping Up?

Child and family psychologist Richard Weissbourd contributed an essay to NPR this week in which he challenged fathers to take on more responsibility. The gist of his opinion is hard to argue: Dads should take on more and should get more involved in their children's lives. But I believe he overgeneralizes, and I have rarely (if ever) encountered indifference from teachers or rude looks from other moms from invading their "sphere of influence." (I also think this short-changes fathers from older generations, who contributed in different yet still important ways.)

The comments at the end of the essay also are thought-provoking. One person posted:

There is a traditional mindset that institutions still cling to which says, in effect, Dad's occupy this space and Mom's occupy other roles. Might be about time we broke down that old fashioned group gender bias.

In his book "Outliers," Malcolm Gladwell suggests that culture shapes who we are. I think culture shapes how fathers behave, though I think that the culture in the United States is changing. Though this is purely anecdotal evidence, I think more and more dads are dropping off and picking up their kids at our school. Does it signal a change in attitudes? Does it show that more moms are working? Does it reflect the changing economy? Maybe it's a bit of everything.

What do you think? Is there a gender bias? How much does our culture hold back fathers? Or is it all a bunch of mumbo-jumbo?

Blog Action Day '09: Climate Change

Old Wahoo is proud to take part in Blog Action Day '09: Climate Change. I don't plan on preaching about global warming because I figure most people can decide for themselves, but I am proud that my sons already feel motivated to help the environment.

Rob and Alex both help recycle at home, and both have loved the Earth Day programs put on by LocalMotion at Grosse Pointe Woods. They even get preachy about the environment, lecturing anyone who will listen about the importance of recycling and keeping the planet clean. They have even inspired me to do more (such as insulating the hot water heater), though there is much more that can be done. (And much is easy, such as turning off all the lights and appliances when leaving the house).

Thanks in part to Rob and Alex, I'm optimistic for the future. (After all, the End of the World has been proclaimed by Nostradamus many times.) Seriously, though, there is hope. I believe that the younger generations are taking the challenge of climate change with urgency (check out the Web site Kids vs. Global Warming).

More important than hope, there is action. If we all do more, we can make a difference. The future depends on it.

Communication Breakdown

Every day, the Moose develops his communication skills, and his vocabulary grows in leaps and bounds. He still has trouble pronouncing some words and even more trouble saying exactly what he means.

For example, when he plays with a toy and I tell him it is time to go, the Moose responds, "Watchthis! Watchthis! Watchthis!" Of course, he does not care if I watch him play; he merely is warning me not to pick him up and put him in the van, or he will screech, kick off his shoes and throw his toys across the room.

The terrible twos are good times.

Words of the Week

Old Wahoo recommends "Outliers" by Malcolm Gladwell.

"... No one - not rock stars, not professional athletes, not software billionaires, and not even geniuses - ever makes it alone."

- Malcolm Gladwell, "Outliers"

Origin of the Species

Rob offered up a unique view of religion and evolution that would have made Darwin roll over in his grave but made Old Wahoo and Mrs. Wahoo laugh.

"Dad, I think God created the dinosaurs, and then God created the animals," the second-grader said, his hands gesturing and with an earnest look in his eyes. "Then the animals got together and birthed some humans."

Hey, he likes science (and Sunday school). Those are good things.

The Optimism of Youth

Unsurprisingly, Alex felt a bit let down when he heard the Tigers lost their bid for the AL Central Division championship on Tuesday night. But he shook it off quickly. "That's OK. They'll make the playoffs next year," he said. "They have to."

Alex doesn't know (and doesn't care) that the Tigers have Magglio Ordonez on the books next year for $18 million; or Carlos Guillen (and his balking body) through 2011; or Nate Robertson for another year; or Jeremy Bonderman (and his injuries for another year). Clearly, the Tigers have little flexibility and their chances of making another strong showing will prove tough.

But Alex doesn't care. He believes.

Maybe he should write a book. Of course, I think someone already beat him to it.